NEW YEAR// Quicksand House

I've been using the metaphor of a house to describe what's happened, the process of rebuilding.

1.
The place I was living, 
my metaphorical house
(body, spirit, self, mind, external world) 
came down.
Beyond repair.

Roof holes dripped water into catching buckets. 
Wood was damp, grey, rotten. 
Windows had punctures from rocks and branches.

There might have been an infestation left unchecked.

No amount of superficial temporary repairs,
like new hinges or doors
would make the house 
the kind
you want to live in. 
Because the foundation was rotten.

And in fact, 
I had been living there
without realizing. 
Eventually, it fell in.

The house’s failing bones, 
combined with new weather patterns 
brought the house down.

2.
I didn’t realize my house had fallen- 
until I was standing barefoot
in an empty rubble lot

being like: 
what just happened.
how did my house rot that way, and
I will never, 
ever, let that happen again.

3.
As long as you're avoiding your designated lot, 
looking for some other house to live in,
Because you don’t want to carefully build your own home
your space will be waiting, 
calling out to you quietly when you’re alone.
whispering the things you turn away from

Either you keep trying to maintain 
an unravelling quicksand house
consciously or unconsciously
eating itself from the inside out

Or 
you Grow.
do the demolition yourself
gather resources
figure out what kind of house you need
- take the necessary time.

Stop crawling into other houses

4.
I cleared what was left,
Made the decision to rebuild
(not totally by choice)
The kind of house I wanted to live in,
one brick at a time.

Made a foundation
that pulled its strength from the moon and sun
developed a self generating irrigation system

You start in the soil
With roots that tunnel
deep into the earth’s magical core
find your power and joy
build yourself a new home
Using your own strength

make something you
want to spend time with